


You said I was strong ( and I believed it)

by mirambella



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: College, Cookies, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Love, Mother's support, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26873704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirambella/pseuds/mirambella
Summary: Charlie is always there for Alex, even now he is in college, but never asks for anything in return, not even when he is down and miserable.Alex needs to do something to show the support his boyfriend needs, and he is not alone.That hurt/comfort fic where Alex bakes.For the Chalex Reverse Bang 2020.
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall
Comments: 12
Kudos: 78
Collections: Chalex Reverse Bang 2020





	You said I was strong ( and I believed it)

**Author's Note:**

> I collaborated with the Amazing MI to create this fic. The art can be found here:
> 
> https://privatter.net/p/6508067
> 
> And also in my tumblr 
> 
> https://mirambela-blog.tumblr.com/post/631315331999236096/chalex-reverse-bang-2020
> 
> Her art is the cutest and invites you to write endless fluff. 
> 
> Beta'ed by the amazing @happylilthought

_"I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough_  
_Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up_  
_Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?_  
_Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know_  
  
_You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing_  
_You say I am strong when I think I am weak_  
_And You say I am held when I am falling short_  
_And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours"_

_( Cimorelli, You say.)_

Alex couldn’t count how many times Charlie had saved his life. Not in a literal way, but for Alex it was more than he deserved and he was still adjusting to sharing his life with such a sensitive and empathetic person. 

Charlie was there for him even before he discovered he was tired, frustrated or sad. He read the signs like it was Charlie’s greatest superpower, and he just came with books, cookies or silence to give Alex exactly what he needed. There were times when it was overwhelming, but Alex didn’t say anything about it. He felt ungrateful and selfish. 

That’s why moving to Berkeley involved a long period of adaptation. He could rent an individual room due to his “disability”, but not having Charlie there when he was stressed or feeling lonely was proving to be more than an inconvenience. 

And Charlie never asked for anything. He understood how busy college was going to be for Alex with essays and being socially active. Charlie provided and never demanded.

Months passed with those dynamics in which Alex couldn’t anticipate Charlie's movements, so he just did as promised and was there for him every time the team was playing locally, cheering and accompanying him. 

However, things started going down close to Thanksgiving. Alex was busy and Charlie stopped calling as often as before. Everything was revealed when Zach called Alex. 

  
  


“ Hey, man. Am I interrupting? Nice to hear from you.”

“ No, I just have one more paper before winter break.” That wasn’t a lie, and he missed Zach anyway. 

“ Oh,Ok...About that, I know you’re coming soon and I really need to tell you something…. it is Charlie.” Zach’s voice was soft. It looked like he put all the effort to make it sound calmed. “ He is missing practice, class, and his grades have dropped. Coach Kerba told me this because his father is worried but I’m sure he didn’t tell you anything because, well he is Charlie. Alex?” 

He thought about it for a few moments. Was he a bad boyfriend or it was all Charlie’s disposition? He always looked so confident and cheerful.

“ Thank you for telling me. I feel terrible. I was just there for homecoming and didn’t notice anything.”

“ I think Charlie was worried, it was the anniversary of ‘you know what’ and he felt that you had enough on your mind. He is a good actor, you know that.” Zach laughed softly.

“ Shit, yes. I’ll be there in a couple of days.” Alex’s voice became weaker “ I want to do something for him. “

He said goodbye to Zach and immediately started planning something to surprise Charlie. After a few options that sounded too complex, Alex had an idea. He needed this to succeed to surprise Charlie so he would need some help, and he had the perfect aspirant.

* * *

  
  


A few days later, Alex travelled back home with Jess and Tyler. He was grateful for Mister Davis and the idea that his daughter needed a car to function perfectly in Berkeley. Alex was sitting beside her, completely silent. He was also grateful for Tyler and his endless energy for conversation.

“ It is so nice that your family can come from the north and they didn’t sell the house. We are going to be together again for the first time since summer.”

Jessica nodded.

“ We should do a little getting together. Alex?” Alex looked briefly at her friend. “ You are so quiet today, not criticising the choice of music or roasting your professors. Weird.”

“ Huh?”

“ He’s used to pop music being with Charlie.” Tyler smiled knowingly with certain fondness and Alex came back to reality.

‘ Oh sorry. I’m thinking too much. It 's nothing.”

“ Your grades? How was the first semester?” Jess tried to get some words from him.

“ It was hard, but it has been better than expected with my limb and the TBI. I’m glad I don’t have to share a room.”

“ So, what’s the problem, then?” Jess insisted.

“ Ummm...Have you guys spoken with Charlie lately?” 

“ A couple of times. We mostly texted.” Clarified Tyler “ Why? Is it ok between you two?” 

“ It is not us. It’s him.” Alex sighed. “ Zach warned me. He’s been missing some classes and...well, I’m sure it is just pressure. I want to do something for him. He is always there when I’m down.”

  
  


“ That’s a very good idea.” Jess was looking at the road, her gaze between sad and serious. Alex knew that he was still thinking about Justin everytime a relationship dynamic was mentioned. Alex tried to avoid conversations about his love life.

“ And that’s why I’m baking!”

“ What the hell!” Jess almost lost the control of the wheel. 

The three all laughed and the rest of the trip seemed more relaxed. Alex texted Charlie the moment he put a foot on the floor. He asked his boyfriend to come to his house in the evening.

* * *

The plan was starting and he knew for sure two things: That his mother was working the night before, so she would be awake by the time he arrived, and that his parents were going to the Police department pre Thanksgiving party that night so he could be alone with Charlie and they could talk ( and make out, being optimist) 

Alex had enough time to bake cookies for Charlie and get some help from his mother, before his boyfriend was visiting him later that evening. Obviously, if Charlie didn’t decide to come before by surprise and endanger the plan. It wasn't a perfect plan after all. 

Carolyn Standall greeted Alex with a warm hug. She didn’t want to look worried or too emotional. Bill spoke to her about trusting their son and granting him some independence. She was so happy to see him, though, that she totally accepted when Alex mentioned that he needed a favour.

“ So, You want to bake...For Charlie?” She looked at her son with fondness.

“ He is always there for me, mainly with cookies he bakes. It is like a connection with his mum, and Zach called me to tell me he is having a rough month, or something. We never speak about bad things.” He sighed “ Mostly, He doesn’t. He told me about his mother illness but...he is always so thoughtful about me.” 

“ Oh, poor kid. Now you mentioned this….He used to visit us at the beginning, but he stopped like three weeks ago, Do you think he is in trouble?” Carolyn cared about Charlie too. She saw how he made Alex smile or was his anchor during panic attacks. 

“ His dad is worried. I’m sure it is just stress and the way he deals with it. He wants the recruiters to offer him a football scholarship, but he needs good grades too.” Alex looked for the recipe he chose. Honey and almond cookies. 

“ You are a good boy.” Carolyn caressed her son’s nape. 

It was not hard to get all the ingredients. Alex had to go to the shop for the vanilla syrup, but apart from that, everything was already in the cupboards. Carolyn pre heated the oven, reading the recipe on Alex's phone.

“ So, how’s school? Peter said the first semester could be hard.” 

“ Adaptation was tough. You know I don’t like parties, then I met some people from my sociology class and things improved. I still miss home.” He concentrated on mixing everything together. “ I need this to work.” 

Alex didn’t say if it was the cookies or Charlie and himself. Charlie was one of the few things in his life that came without downsides. They argued, for sure, there even were small fights but they respected each other so much that they always talked about their problems when the storm had passed. Alex could trust Charlie, rely on the quarterback and was still discovering how being really loved and appreciated felt.

However, a small voice inside his head was still shouting sometimes that he didn’t deserve to be loved like that, that he didn’t deserve somebody as caring and understanding as Charlie. The days where that voice was clear and took control over him were the worst ones. He used to push Charlie on those days, to the point that the only thing keeping him sane was switching off his phone and staying home. Nevertheless, days like that were less common in the past months. He was getting used to the attention and the happiness that came with it.

Maybe for all those reasons, he knew from the moment Zach called that he couldn’t mess up a situation like that. Charlie needed him, and he took so much from him in the past that it was his opportunity to give. There is no healthy relationship without a support system. 

Alex added the almonds.

“ I hope I’m not going too crazy.” 

“ He is a sweet boy,” Carolyn smiled. “ Ready for the oven?” 

Alex nodded and they put the tray in the oven. The recipe said it was less than fifteen minutes, so they waited beside the counter.

“ So, he is coming this evening...when we are at the party.” 

Alex blushed. 

‘I...Yes. We need to talk, privately. It is not what you think.” Carolyn laughed. She was messing with him.

“ Look, Alex, it’s ok. You are old enough and we believe we taught you well. “ 

Not that he was promising anything. He missed Charlie, and that included Charlie's hugs, his heat when they cuddled and their making out sessions. 

They left the cookies to cool on the kitchen table and Alex put them in a bag with a ribbon to surprise Charlie. He tried to choose the appropriate attire for the evening. Alex really wanted to impress his boyfriend, even if he was sure Charlie was more excited to see and hug him than anything else. 

* * *

The bell rang and the boy ran to open the door. Alex hesitated a minute, observing Charlie. He was wearing a smart light blue shirt and maroon chinos and was broadly smiling. The fact that he was putting all this effort even if he was a little bit down recently made Alex shiver, so he hugged him while patting his back. 

“ I missed you.” Alex murmured.

“ I missed you more.” Charlie’s voice was soft. “ What did you prepare?”

“ A surprise.” Alex smiled, taking Charlie by the hand. He had time to set the table with candles and cute napkins. “ We are going to eat, and talk and then...Well, I will show you what i’ve been doing all afternoon.”

“ I can’t wait.” Charlie sat without losing eye contact with Alex. He was enjoying being taken care of. 

“ But now, we are going to have dinner and you’re going to tell me about school and the team. I know I neglected you these past weeks.” Alex apologised. Charlie sighed playing with his fork.

“ There is not much. My grades weren’t as good as expected.”

Alex could sense something going on with Charlie, kind of an apathy that was visible if you knew him enough.

“ I feel that there is something you are not telling me. You know you can trust me and you don’t need to be strong all the time. Some people are noticing too.”

“ So this is an intervention. “ Charlie looked at him with pressed lips. 

“ No, it is not. But I’m worried about you and you always say you are fine when we talk, but I can even see from here that something is off. You are my boyfriend, and I’m here for you.” Alex sighed. “ To be honest, that’s what you say to me all the time, so you should believe your own words.” 

“ I didn’t want to sound immature, or selfish,” Charlie finally confessed. “ My problems are normal teenager stuff. I don’t think I was so great at Homecoming and recruiters were there that night, but I haven’t received an offer. Then, I thought I could improve my finals but I started panicking and I couldn’t concentrate.” 

“ Hey, Charlie.” Alex held his hand over the table. “ Even if it is “ normal stuff”, it is important to you. It’s a rough year, and nobody can say that what you are feeling is stupid or insignificant. I know you think you need to protect me because of the TBI and Bryce’s murder and the consequences, but even if what you are living seems unimportant, I’m still here for you. You always put me first.”

Alex looked at Charlie with tenderness. His cheeks turned light pink and he nodded.

  
  


“ You are in college and...I miss you so much, but I don’t want to sound dependent or bother you with my needs.” The highschooler's voice was trembling.

“ That’s what a relationship is for. We lean on each other. I miss you too, and I’m sad sometimes because I can’t just come and see you. We’ll deal with that. We need to take advantage of the time we have.”

Charlie finally smiled. They enjoyed the rest of the dinner just jumping from one topic to another gracefully. Charlie helped Alex with the dishes, one part of him being the same affectionate teenager he had always been. 

Alex was calmed and more used to the physical demonstrations of affection. They had a talk about that at the beginning of dating, when the honeymoon phase was too strong for Charlie and he couldn’t help himself. He was more reserved now, especially when they were in public places, just holding Alex’s hand and giving him chaste kisses, but when they were alone that was completely different, and Alex was enjoying it.

Charlie embraced Alex from behind when he was drying the plates.

“ So, about the surprise…”

“ Oh,” Alex laughed “ You can’t wait, Can you?” 

“ I don’t want to.” Charlie nuzzled Alex’s nape with his nose and the older boy shivered.

“ Ok, ok. It’s in my room, but don't get high hopes.” He grabbed the quarterback's hand and led him to his room.

Alex left nothing unattended. He even put small electric lights in his night table and drawers.

“ This is...beautiful.” Charlie was looking everywhere.

“ That’s not even the surprise. It’s just the background.” Alex opened his top drawer and took the bag of cookies. “ I made this for you. I got some help from my mum, obviously, but I think they turned out ok. They are almond and honey cookies.”

“ Wow, Did you do this, for me? Can I try one?” Said Charlie 

  
  


“ Of course, they are yours. It is like a symbol. You are always baking for me, for everybody and taking care of me, so I decided I would bake and take care of you tonight.” Alex was slightly nervous. 

“ They are amazing!” Charlie spoke with a mouth full of cookies “ I love you, baby. You should try one.”

Charlie hugged him and Alex looked in his boyfriend's eyes. He saw sparkles again, the same boyish and adventurous blue eyes he fell in love with. 

“ I love you too, Charlie.”

He tried one and hummed at the mix of flavours in his mouth. Charlie was still close to him, smiling beautifully. 

Alex kissed him with excessive softness, caressing Charlie’s bottom lip with his tongue. They kissed for a while, lost in the feeling and the yearning. Charlie moved his hands to Alex’s waist.

Alex stopped the kiss with a last nose touch. 

“ You need to trust me, Charlie. If this is going to be a healthy, positive relationship we need to share our days, our shit..” They laid their foreheads together. 

“ I know. I just thought I was in charge of the situation: Football, grades..” His hands travelled up his back to rest in Alex’s nape. “ I suppose I needed this intervention, after all. And I get to have you by my side tonight.”

Then, Charlie laughed and it was sweet and naive, but deep inside his skin, Charlie was looking for intimacy and contact. Alex could feel his large and slender hands roaming his back softly. 

“ I don’t wanna talk about sad stuff when I have you just here. I know you care, but...I don’t wanna think, now. I need you.” He was desperate and pleadingly.

“ Then, touch me.” Alex whispered. It really took him by surprise. It was just a thought at the beginning, a desire, but he had to express his need.

Charlie brought electricity to his muscles. The taller man played with the hem of his shirt until he got rid of it. He pushed him to the edge of the bed and gently knocked Alex down, his eyes never abandoning him, soft blue against tempest blue. 

Alex felt shivers at the way Charlie was looking at him. He felt so loved, complete and full of joy. 

“ We have the entire winter break, just for us.” Charlie muttered. His hands traced patterns in his bare chest and he stopped just to take care of his own shirt. 

  
  


Alex sighed with relief when their skins touched. He was mesmerised at how he could miss a simple thing, somebody else’s heat, flustered against the delicate meat of his stomach, the scent that is exclusive of the loved one. Alex could recognise Charlie blindfolded and inches from his body.

He was anxious for more, for discovery and recognition and at the same time, to be vulnerable and left to his instincts scared him like nothing else. 

Charlie could see the confusion in his eyes.

“ Hey, I’m here.” The quarterback grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. 

“ I know. It is just...I need to adjust to this. It still surprises me somehow.” 

Charlie laughed with joy.

“ I know. It’s overwhelming, and being apart, just made it more real. I need you with all I have.” 

They made love like the waves hit the breakwater, in sync with their bodies and souls. Everytime Charlie held him, Alex knew the young boy would be there for him. He was. Everytime Charlie kissed him, fear was flying away his stubborn heart.

He was his anchor when the panic kicked his gut and messed his head. Charlie was always in his mind, supporting him even when he wasn’t there in person, giving Alex strenght trough texts, calls, stupid pictures in snapchat...

They gasped, exhausted and quite out of practice. Alex found the curve of Charlie’s chest with his shoulder and left his head there. Charlie played with the hair stuck in his forehead, relaxed and alleviated.

“ You need to know something.” The highschooler said after a while. “ I was scared. I wanted to get a partial scholarship for Stanford so much that I lost control of my health, my mind, school... But I know I need to be close, because I couldn’t be on the other side of the country; Far from you and my dad. He needs me, and I need you. “

“ You should have told me.” Alex closed his eyes for a few seconds.

“ I know football is the easiest, more realistic opportunity I will ever have. Stanford is expensive and I don’t want my dad to pay for it for years. I lied to you. Well, kind of.” Charlie suspired. “ I had offers, from good schools with decent teams, just, not the one I was expecting.”

“ Where?” Alex was panicking deep inside, but at the same time he couldn’t let himself be selfish when the selfless person ever born was holding him. 

“ Miami and Oklahoma.” South East. At least it was still the south. He was expecting something like UCLA or Texas though. 

“ When you make a decision...having a lot of options is the best and worst scenario, but you need to be strong, and selfish for once, Charlie.” He looked up to find his boyfriend’s eyes. “ It may still come when you least expect it, but I will be by your side, whatever you decide. I used to think I didn’t deserve love, but now that I’ve tasted it, I’m fucking keeping it.”

Charlie chuckled.

“ You need to sleep, old man.”

Alex protested, but he knew it wouldn’t be difficult after the exercise and having Charlie by his side like a heater. 

He didn’t know how much time passed, but he heard the door opening and then closing again. His mother was giggling and the deputy was helping her through the staircase. Alex poked his head from the room and smiled at the image.

“ Are you drunk? I hope you called a taxi.”

“ Slightly.” Deputy Standall raised an eyebrow and Carolyn laughed again looking at his son.

“ How was it, my dear?”

“ We should open a shop, mother. You are a genius.” 

With that he disappeared, going back to Charlie, that was snoring softly occupying all the space available. Alex looked at his boyfriend before cuddling under his arm and thought about his parents.

They would all have ups and downs, fights and sadness, distance and sorrow but on top of that ( and it was a relief)...

Love, and cookies. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
